Not So Fast Five

There are films that they forget to stop making sequels to; there are films where they fail to provide sequels when there is an appetite amongst movie goers and scope for the script writers to do so. Then there are films where it doesn’t matter.

Fast Five, Fast and Furious 5 or whatever the title is fits into the latter. That’s right the rubber burning, Spanish rapping, too cool for school film franchise is back with its fifth installment.

I must begin with giving credit where credit is due and that is that the studio has managed to flog what many considered a dead horse for so long. Equally impressive is the fact that they managed to sign Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The wrestler joins regular cast members Paul Walker and Vin Diesel.

The film is what you expect, migraine inducing, if you dislike loud hip-hop on a backdrop of loud crashes. The opening bends the laws of physics, as is ever the case with these films.

Fast Five doesn’t have a plot, but a series of acts. The first act is a train robbery, the second act is a gun fight followed by a chase. Part of me feels the writers of this film were actually poking fun at themselves and the franchise itself.

The best line of the film fell to “The Rock” who quipped about how it was poor form to ruin a classic like the Ford GT40 by attaching some fancy sat-nav computer gizmo, before saying something along the lines of “You may as well attach some neon lights to this shit.” Surprisingly didn’t draw much humour from the ardent Furious fans at the showing.

Aside from that the script is poor. Corny, clichéd and damn right crap in some instances. It features a lot of macho posturing by the two lead Diesel and Walker and a lot of damsel in distress from Jordana Brewster. But then again the point of this film isn’t the script, nor is it the plot. It’s all about fast cars and pretty women being objectified.

The best way to describe the plot is The Italian (American) Job finale, except it’s a lot more ridiculous, two fast cars dragging a safe across Rio, whilst being chased by crooked police and a drug baron.

It tries weaving in a revenge mission plot with the Elena Neves character, which would have worked had the film producers not made the entire Rio police force crooked. The ideological message here being, Brazilians are all on the take unless they have a family member killed.

Tyrese Gibson joins the cast and this was one of the few things I was looking forward to as he had provided a sliver of comedy in 2 Fast to Furious, but in this film he was shunted for the obligatory Rock, Vin Diesel confrontation. The rest of the cast was well not great.

All in all the film is so and so, it’s a watchable film if you like migraines. But it tries too hard to be a bit too serious. 2 Fast 2 Furious was partially enjoyable because it was a cheap Miami Vice episode and it knew it. This gets caught between taking itself seriously and being a crass, all-out, brain dead, action film.

5/10

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